Confidence serves as a cornerstone for achieving success, and nurturing it requires attentiveness to the subtle factors that can undermine it in our daily lives. One crucial aspect worth considering is the language we employ during our daily interactions.

As someone who has delved into numerous books on self-esteem and personal development, I’ve come across a consistent piece of advice: Mind your words. Sharing this wisdom, I present you with twelve phrases to avoid if you want to exude confidence.

1. Eliminate “Just”

   The word “just” can inadvertently diminish your confidence, as it conveys hesitation, uncertainty, or an inclination to downplay your position or request. When you say, “I just wanted to ask,” or “It’s just a small suggestion,” it diminishes the importance of your statement or request. Phrases like “I just wanted to check if…” or “I’m just wondering if it’s possible…” may imply an unnecessary apology, undermining your confidence in expressing your needs. Banishing this word from my subconscious has been a personal mission, and I’ve experienced some success. You can do the same—keep trying.

2. Avoid Apologetic Precedents

   Developing a habit of using negative prefaces or phrases can erode the confidence with which you express your opinions. Saying phrases like “This is just my opinion, but…” or “I may be wrong, but…” not only undermines your viewpoint but also sounds apologetic. The word “just” in this context signifies “only,” unintentionally downplaying the value of your opinion. Instead, confidently and compellingly express your well-founded opinions without preemptively pointing out potential mistakes.

3. Shed Qualifiers

   Adding qualifiers like “I’m no expert, but…” or “I’m not sure what you think, but…” before sharing ideas can make you appear less confident. This tendency often arises from a desire to avoid sounding overly assertive or arrogant, or from a fear of being wrong. However, the use of qualifiers can undermine the credibility of your statements. It’s common to offer opinions that may prove inaccurate, but there’s no need to waste words by pointing out potential mistakes before expressing your thoughts.

4. Eliminate Filler Words

   Using filler words like “Um” or “Uh” when gathering your thoughts can be distracting and make others less interested in what you’re saying. Professionals, even so-called experts, sometimes inadvertently utter these words during interviews or presentations. Aside from portraying a lack of confidence, these words can be downright irritating. Instead, take a couple of seconds to gather your thoughts before responding to a question. This momentary pause will help you begin your response with confidence and come across as authoritative and self-assured. Replace fillers with stronger and more meaningful words to maintain a smooth flow of speech.

5. Minimize Unnecessary Apologies

   Do you catch yourself apologizing unnecessarily? Do you often begin requests for information or resources with phrases like “I’m sorry, but…”? It’s important to remember that you don’t have to apologize for simply speaking your mind or asking for what you need. Confident individuals are secure enough to admit when they’re wrong. Overusing “I’m sorry” can reflect a sense of inferiority. Reflect on how often you apologize throughout the day—more often than not, it’s unnecessary. Before resorting to those words, pause and consider if they truly serve a purpose in the situation. Save apologies for genuine mistakes.

6. Emphasize the Positive

   Maintaining a positive focus is key. The phrase “I won’t” often conveys negativity and a refusal to consider alternative solutions. Instead, express willingness to try new approaches. For example, replace “I won’t do this” with “I’m willing to give this a try.” Rather than stating “It won’t work,” suggest “Let’s address these concerns together.” By emphasizing the positive and showing a willingness to explore different approaches, you exude confidence and foster constructive engagement.

7. Reduce Ambivalence

   Using the word “maybe” can diminish your confidence as it conveys ambivalence, lack of commitment, intention, and direction. While it can express uncertainty about a particular matter, it’s often interpreted more broadly, reflecting on your overall character. Even if you can’t give a definitive yes or no, it’s essential to be confident in your responses. Instead of replying with a vague “maybe,” say something like “I’d like to see more details first.” This conveys your interest in gathering information before making a decision, rather than relying on an indecisive response.

8. Assert Your Opinions

   Confidence is associated with having a clear stance and expressing your opinions or preferences. By saying, “We can just do whatever you want,” you convey a passive and uncertain attitude, undermining your perceived confidence and authority. Engaging in collaborative decision-making is preferable to solely relying on the other person’s choice.

9. Balance Thoughtfulness and Decisiveness

   It’s acceptable to take a moment to weigh a decision, but it’s important to avoid sounding indecisive. Project confidence in your ability to make thoughtful choices while acknowledging the importance of taking time. For instance, say, “I’m still in the process of deciding, and I appreciate your patience. I need some time to figure out what feels right for me and what I truly want.” This conveys confidence while respecting the need for reflection.

10. Express Ownership of Your Ideas

    Confidence involves having faith in your own ideas and expressing them. Asking, “What do you think about that?” can sound less confident, as it may seem like seeking validation from others. By relying heavily on someone else’s opinion, it suggests a lack of personal conviction or hesitation to take ownership of your thoughts and decisions. Share your opinions and engage in constructive discussions, conveying confidence and encouraging others to contribute their thoughts without solely relying on their input.

11. Assertiveness Without Doubt

    Phrases like “I believe” or “I think” can introduce an element of doubt, making you sound less confident. While it’s important to acknowledge that opinions can vary, rely less on qualifying phrases to assert your ideas or statements. State your viewpoint directly without undermining it with doubt. Instead of saying, “I believe the solution is X,” assert confidently, “The solution is X.” This way, you come across as more self-assured and authoritative.

12. Limit “Hopefully”

    While “hopefully” is typically used to express an expectation regarding a future outcome, it can convey uncertainty or lack of confidence in certain contexts. By using “hopefully,” you express a desire for something to happen, implying that you lack control over the outcome and rely on external factors. This can create an impression of uncertainty and reduce the overall confidence of your statement.

Confidence is a powerful trait that permeates through our language. By avoiding the aforementioned phrases, you can navigate your personal and professional life with style. Remember that building confidence is a gradual process of hits and misses, ups and downs. Embrace this journey and strive to communicate with conviction and assurance.

Author: Sandra Mapfumo