There are some common mistakes that women make over and over and never seem to get right. The sad thing though is they are getting older and yet there are some things which at least by 30, a woman is expected to have mastered certain things relative to the world and how men operate. These things can be taught by either a father figure in your life, a mother aunt or through personal experience.
All women at some point miss out on these important life lessons, regardless of whether you hold a PHD or those who didn't finish school, one way or the other, we miss out on important life lessons that would otherwise help us become better and live a wholesome life.
Here are a few points I would like to share with women:
1. Thinking you can hook a husband with sex.
You can hook a man with sex but you will not hook a husband with sex.
When you give a man your body over and over, you diminish his perception of your value and it will not make him marry you. In most cases it may make him avoid marriage with you. You can not be a mans play toy and think he is going to make you his wife.
You must know that there are a lot of women men are going to play with. It does not mean they are going to marry them. When you think you can hook a man with sex, what actually happens is you become his toy.
2. Settle for a wrong man thinking you can change him.
When you see obvious deficiencies in his character, and hook up with him thinking you will change him. Serious character flaws are red flags which you must be willing to live with but you must never think you're going to change him. You cannot change a grown man or do what is momma could not do.
3. Not taking time to learn and heal from the previous break-up.
You need to take time between relationships. Give yourself time to be single, especially if the relationship has ended badly. You need to give yourself time to look at what went wrong in the relationship, learn from the mistakes you made and give yourself time to breath. You do not take time to learn from anything you've been through, that is why you keep repeating it.
4. Tolerating abuse.
Physical, emotional, verbal abuse will simultaneously erode your self confidence. You should never tolerate a man who abuses you emotionally. He breaks down your self esteem and depletes your soul. Do no be scared that he will leave, he NEEDS to leave!
5. Talking too much too soon.
Try not to do all the talking in a relationship, let him talk. This is a big mistake which most women make, they share all the personal information, all of your ambitions and the man listens carefully and later on uses that to press your buttons. When you talk too much, you are giving him all the ammunition he needs to deceive you. When you go on a date, if a man doesn't have a conversation, rather cut is short - politely, he is not the one. How can he be a leader, how can he lead you when you have to do all the talking ? Do not talk too much.
6. Taking advice from women who are alone and mad with the world.
A lot of you have lost good men because you hang around with women who are alone and angry with ALL men. All men are not bad, but when you hang around bitter women and you take advice from them, girl you are headed for disaster!
If you're a woman looking to find a man who will find you as a potential wife, take advise from women who are happily married. Yes they are there and if you look you will find them. Next time you need to get advice on marriage or good relationships, take a good look at the person you are getting advice from and tap into what is working for them in their current situation. It is important to know who to get advise from.
7. Entertaining a new man without the counsel of the men in your life.
Fathers, brothers and male friends who have your best interests at heart must be involved in your affairs for guidance. When you sneak away to develop a relationship with your man away from the guidance of these important men in your life, to protect and counsel you. It is those same men you will run to when things go wrong.
When you get into any form of problems, when he breaks your heart, you can not then run to them when you have kept them in the dark all along. Its good to talk to the brothers throughout the course of your relationship. Because they are men themselves, they are able to tell you whether his dude is serious or he has nothing but play in him.
It is very tempting to want to do what you want to do on your own but there is always safety in counsel. Find men in your life who don't have an agenda but have your best interests at heart and are always be there to protect you. Male figures in your life are men, they know how men think and all the games men play, that is how PHD women are manipulated by school leaver kind of men, it's because you have never been a man and you need a man to guide you.
When you have men that love you, utilise that counsel and even if you don't do this, you are still going to learn the lesson. We learn by instruction or experience.
8. Reconciling the relationship even when he is wrong.
When a man is never wrong, never apologises ? That's total manipulation. When you are always the one running back to him apologising even when he is wrong, and you're always the first one to call after an argument regardless of whether he is wrong ? He beats you up and you run to him to reconcile ? Never reaching out to you to sort things out.
I'm not saying you should never reconcile but when it becomes obvious that you want him more than he wants you, then that relationship needs serious reconsideration.
9. Forsaking your personal ambition for the pursuit of a man.
If a man really loves you, he will not talk you out of improving yourself, he will encourage you to improve yourself. Putting all your personal ambitions on hold, for his approval, especially if he hasn't married you is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Why would a man who loves you talk you into depending on him when he himself is not sure he is going to live long enough for that. This is nothing but manipulation and control and you would not be wise enough to listen and obey such. The right man will actually send you to school.
10. Not asking questions.
Questions reveal motives and any man that does not mean you well is not comfortable with you asking questions.
"How did your last relationship end" "What's your career goals" "What is your short term goals" You are likely to pick up on his temperment in the way he responds to these questions. You cannot reach a common goal if you're not walking the same walk. You can't find out if you're walking the same walk unless you ask questions. Any man that does not want you to ask questions is not the right man for you because if you're going to be a wife that will submit to a husband, the "husband" has to answer questions. If he is not comfortable enough to let you ask questions is not man enough for you.